Rebach /ri:batʃ/

“So what you doing now that you’re a widower?’

My buddy Mack has been turning up in my nocturnal snoozes all too frequently, and always uninvited - like Farrell, Shadow’s immortal “’Bassman’ from hell”.

“Now that I’m a WHAT?”

“A widower. You know … what you’re called after your wife has died?”

“That word does not compute. I have deleted it from my memory.”

“Eh???”

“Always hated the word. So I consigned it many years ago to the darkest recesses of medieval history, from whence it came; and to which it doth belongeth.”

“So what do you call yourself now?’

“A rebach.”

“Eh???”

A rebach. God took my girl – as is his prerogative – so I have now been rebachelorized. Ergo, I’m a rebach.”

“So when you have to sign forms, what do you do? Put nothing?”

“I have to tick the box. Or write in the “w” word. Doesn’t mean I have to say it.”

“And how you spelling your new-fangled word?”

“R-E-B-A-C-H.”

“That spelling is more like the classical-music man. I was thinking it was R-E-B-A-T-C-H. That is what it sounded like when you pronounce it just now.”

“Well, you getting into semantics. I doh really care how it spell. Long as it don’t start with a ‘w’.”

“So you would have a problem if it spelt W-R-E-B-A-C-H?”

“(Groan)”

“Well, is you who have the problem with the ‘w’, you know.”

“well … yuh right … I even have a problem with the ladies’ version and all.”

“Eh???”

“Yeah. And I’ll support them 250 percent if they raise hell over it.”

“But why?”

“It has come to be associated with a particular spider whose idea of ‘intimate’ is ‘eat-your-mate’.”

“Owwwww.”

“Aren’t you glad you’re a human being?”

“Not too sure if I AM a human being, but I’ll take your word for it!”

“Anyhow, they should come up with another expression. Not too sure that “respin” will work; not that much snap to it.”

“Well, you could bother with that if you want. I heading down the road. Lotsa forms to adjust.”

“Eh???”

“Yeah. I find them status changes sounding really good! Heading down to government offices and business places now to start adjusting their forms. You coming?”

“In your dreams!”